Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
