Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
