Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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