I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
