Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
