That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
