Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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