Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
