I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
