yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
