We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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