It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
