Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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