1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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