Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
