For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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