You smell like a Billy Joel song
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
