Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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