I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need water and some morals
Randomize
