Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
