Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
