let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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