we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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