Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
