This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
