she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
