If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
