its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
