how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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