i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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