Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
