I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
