i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize