just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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