yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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