i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
