Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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