How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
