I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
