we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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