He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
