i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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