she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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