Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
