She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize