He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
