So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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