i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
