This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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