that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
