I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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