she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
