Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
