it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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