she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
