So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think my fart just growled at me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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