Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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