I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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