Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
