The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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