I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kissed a someone with a penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
