it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
