she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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