Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
