i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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