Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
