if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
