No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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