I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How external is "for external use only"?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
