I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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