Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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