Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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