I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
