UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
