I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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